Finding a flow

I feel the flow of abundance and love running through my body. I need to take no score on the manifestations or the improvement, as the tipping point is right here. My vibrational value brings it forth and into my experience. My appreciation of all that is, accelerates the flow. I know that the abundance of love and everything else is arriving, not because I'm desperate for it, but because the desire was put forth by me. The eagerness of what is coming is delicious. I'm letting my thoughts guide me, find the path of least resistance and then, follow with inspired action.

I hold the thought of my desire, the feeling of it, and I can feel it materialising.

I am the creator of my experience and you are the creator of your own experience. Now, let it flow and see where it takes us.

Much love,
M

What do I do when my values do not align with my partner's?

I'm quite a unique person, like we all are. There is every chance that all of my values will not align with my partner's values, in fact, if they did, there would be no expansion within the relationship.

I, like all of us have had several partners, if not romantically, at least in our everyday lives. Every person has a different set of values, even though sometimes some people seem similar (check out www.enneagraminstitute.com for 9 different categories of personality types).

As a type 2, the helper, a heart type, I'm always there to help. My biggest challenge has been to not be too available, helpful and facilitating in relationships. I've learnt to pull back a good bit, I've learnt to serve myself first (with the exception of my dependants) and I've started to appreciate myself, not just put everyone else first.

I am full of energy, optimism, attention to detail and (with a type 1, perfectionist, wing) I'm very principled and can be black-and-white about some things. If something is wrong, it's wrong. This translates well with my relationship patterns; I don't ask for my needs to be met, as I want to please the other person. Then, as my needs are not met, I keep burning out, until I say; "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!" and then the feud has usually gone too far. There's no return.

I once was in a relationship with a type 9; the peacemaker, who will, whatever it takes, to keep the peace. Including lie to me about substance abuse. Type 9s are usually stubbornly stuck in their ways, and do not like change. You can imagine someone like me, who needs personal development and self discovery to feel the continuum of life, not being able to facilitate stuckness in a relationship and tolerate driving with a hand break on all the time.

Once I was in a relationship with a type 1; the perfectionist. His mother died and I went to help him and his family. Leaving my horses to the care of someone else, rescheduling my clients and travelling to the country was not convenient for me, but of course, I was happy to do it; for him. After all, someone needed my help. I stayed for 4 days (because he asked me to), drove their family to the church (it had snowed overnight and in Ireland, they're not used to driving in the snow, whereas for me it's no problem), scrubbed their floors, helped with serving food, all that good stuff, and then headed back to Dublin, exhausted. I had given my everything. Following week he phones me and tells me that it's over, because I had taken over his family home and that it was not appropriate. I couldn't believe my ears. My heart was broken.

Once I was in a relationship with a type 4, the individualist. For a 4, it's so important to be so different than anyone else. They don't even like to be categorised as 4, as there's no category flexible and big enough to cover all their bases. They examine life, people, but most importantly, themselves. Because they are so internally focused, they are able to feel deeper, express their feelings more and they are amazing teachers. 4s are the centre of their own world, whereas a 2 puts themselves last. You'd think this was a match made in heaven, both parties focusing on the same thing; the 4. No. My needs were not met, and like in a relationship with any other type, I got exhausted trying to mean something to this person, and eventually, had enough.

Who knows what happens in the future, but one thing is for sure; I love me. I love my ability to love, give, feel, help and understand. I need to mind my blind spots, thought, but if I stay in a good place in myself, I know, I can give from a heart that is full for me first and then overflowing for others. And who wouldn't want to share an expansive co-creative experience like that?

"We all have different values, and the only thing we need to do to get along is to appreciate and understand the differences, whatever that looks like." ~Divine Feminine~

I love this quote. It's one of my favourite ones, as it reflects on my own beliefs. The bottom line is; any one of those relationships could have worked out. They were important in defining my preferences, and I'm happy to take them as such. I feel such appreciation for all that has happened, I'm happy where I am and so very eager for more.

I think when we realise that relationships are not the end game, that they come and go, some last a lifetime, some just a few months, the edge is worn off from  the feeling of "this needs to be right". A break-up does not mean that the relationship was a failure; mine haven't been. They've been a great opportunity to learn and the fact is, that if there was nothing there to begin with, it wouldn't have begun.

I'm still learning to ask for what I want; but until then, I just love you. Namaste.

Much love,
M

Sitting and wondering

This afternoon, after a great session with my horses I decided to go for a date with myself and have some dinner. I was driving up to Dublin anyway, and decided to go to my favourite restaurant, My Thai at the Beacon Hotel in Sandyford.

I sat down at the crowded bar and had a cocktail, non-alcoholic, of course, as I was driving. I scanned around the room, there were made-up women everywhere, and even though it was only 4 pm, some of them were already drunk.

Platform heels to try to disguise their shortness, compact powder to cover pimples and a fake designer bag that cost 45 euro, instead of 450 for the original. I couldn't help but wonder; why do we have to pretend so much.

I was sitting down in jeans, boots and a pink t-shirt, and I still seemed to be more interesting to the men in the bar. I started to think, that maybe men want something real, and not what women think they want. So, I made a survey.

10 out of 10 men preferred a woman with a good sense of humour.
9 out of 10 men did not care what kind of a hand bag a woman carries.
8 out of 10 men preferred a woman with less make-up.
7 out of 10 men were wondering why on earth women would want to wear such uncomfortable shoes.
6 out of 10 men preferred a woman with no perfume.
5 out of 10 men liked a woman with a short hair.
4 out of 10 men cared whether or not a girl has done their hair up when going out.
3 out of 10 men were giving their partner thumbs up whether or not they should wear a specific kind of underwear.
2 out of 10 men tolerated talk about nail polish and spray tanning.
1 out of 10 men thought that this survey was useless and told me that women should just be themselves.

On top of this, a good-looking bartender asked me if I wanted Sex on the Beach, I responded; "Sorry, mate, I'm driving." He offered to drive me home. I politely declined.

A date with self that turned out to a general survey on how males and females perceive one another was time well spent. After all, for my surprise, and for the surprise of a lot of women alike, it appears that all men are looking for is someone who's real and honestly themselves.

Something to think about, girls.

Much love,
M

How I feel is important to me Pt2

Our emotions are our guidance on whether or not we're moving towards our desires in life.

Why would I care how I feel?

Because unless you know how you feel you cannot know yourself, and what you want from this life experience. Knowing yourself is where most people have challenges in life. Not knowing who you are and how you feel can easily lead to addiction, escapism and co-dependency.

Addiction is often thought to be addiction to drugs, but something as simple as feeling a slump in the energy levels and reaching for that 3rd cup of coffee is as much an emotional/psychological/physiological addiction as taking cocaine. All addiction starts for an emotional reason and develops into a psychological/physiological addiction. To break any addiction is to resolve the emotional trigger.

Escapism, such as playing video games,or keeping oneself busy outside working hours is another effective way to avoid feeling feelings. If we, instead of going on holidays every year, would start feeling around our life and as a result started to methodically, or when inspired, move our lives towards what we wanted from it, we'd be a lot happier in the long run.

Co-dependency is another great way to not take responsibility of our lives. Blaming others is easier than looking at why we are reactive ourselves.

I noticed some time ago that I was intentionally making myself busy. When I started to examine the reason, I found a false premise in my belief system that said: if you're busy, and spend a lot of your time alone or with your animals, you can't be hurt by anyone. BOY was I wrong after getting that impact injury on my head from one of my horses!

I love the feeling of inspiration, love, joy, enthusiasm. But when I'm not well in myself, I don't pretend that I am. I'm either truly happy or I'm truly unhappy or anything in between. In any case, I'll always be honest about how I'm feeling. Only when I'm honest about how I'm feeling, I'm able to communicate with others from a transparent, honest point of view.

If I feel I need to have a glass of wine to relax, I have started to ask; why can't I relax without a substance? Is it just a habit, or does it rectify my feeling of dis-empowerment? Do I feel so out of control at the end of a day, that I need to drink to relax?

If I feel I need to have time off/holiday, I have started to ask myself why am I not pacing myself in everyday life. How did I end up so far from my own centre that I need to remove myself from the world I've created for myself? Am I not happy with my world?

If I feel I need to lash out on another being, I've started to ask; why should anyone else be held responsible for how I'm feeling? Can I go away, sort myself out, and then start communicating with my loved ones again from a more solid basis of wanting everyone to win?

I'd encourage everyone to not look outside of ourselves (material possession, relationships or money) to give us that sense of connection to feeling good. Rather, go for the questions inside. Give yourself a gift of sitting with yourself 10 minutes every day and your answers and feelings will come forth. Some people call this meditation, others call it quieting the mind. I just call it getting to know yourself.

Do us all a favour and don't bring the watered-down version of yourself to the buffet table of life. Rather, bring the one version that is full of joy, interesting conversation and true feelings.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Much love
M

How I feel is important to me

For years, I paid little or no attention to how I felt. It wasn't until I'd have a migraine or a tonsillitis that I stopped and felt how bad things had gotten. I read no early signs, just put my head down and ploughed through my day.

For sure, I got a lot done, but none it was joyous and I felt exhausted at the end of every day. It used to be the same with my horses, friends, loved ones and colleagues. Even in my marriage, I THOUGHT I was happy. I really did!

Having never examined the nature of my relationships and how they "made" me feel, I was living my life being busy doing stuff and working. It wasn't until my separation and subsequent divorce, that I started to examine the quality of my life and how I felt with it. Up until then I was too busy with tasks in hand, but that day of separation, when I realised that my happiness mattered, my life turned "upside down", I found myself single again, and determined never to compromise my happiness again in anything; relationships, work, friends, horses, everything.

Other than the separation, my life didn't seem to change much on the outside. I still worked hard, still had horses; now more than ever, and I still didn't do much socialising. Even when I was married, I didn't like going to pubs and talking shite with my ex's friends and their spouses, but I did it, as I thought I'd try to make an effort.

On the inside, everything changed; I started to feel again. I made a commitment to allow any feelings necessary to come forth and I was going to follow them through. As a result of starting to listen to my feelings and thoughts, and the inside now being different, my view of the outside world changed as well. I no longer was willing to do things I didn't WANT to do, meet people who I didn't WANT to meet, all frivolous relationships, clients and acquaintances fell away, and only true friends and co-creators stayed in my life.

I went online and found some beautiful friends, as well as real love, and enjoyed basking in the presence of like-minded people all over the world. All of a sudden, I had energy to meet new people, create new friendships and exchange ideas, which I NOW felt were flowing through me, effortlessly.

I found a completely new feeling of love for my work, nurturing it like my baby, enjoying the laughs, challenges and learnings it still brings, every single day.

My animals; my horses, dog and cat, they've allowed me to find a deeper connection, friendship, love and communication that I would never have been able to achieve when I wasn't paying attention to my feelings. They've been my clear mirrors, unconditional lovers.

As I'm sitting here in my office, writing this, I feel fulfilled. I feel my perfect partner's presence in the house already, even tough he hasn't materialised in my everyday life yet. Like a magnet, we're being drawn towards this love that is deep, based on truly knowing oneself and allowing all feelings, thoughts and ideas to flow through. My appreciation of self and as a result, others, is bringing my life partner to me.

I love my life, how it flows and dances, and the moment I feel off, I take a break of it all; horses, friends, work; everything. Not because I don't want to go ahead with my commitments, but because I appreciate all the beings in my life too much to bring a watered-down version of myself to the play.

Feel your feelings and allow your true self to come forth.

To all of you that are in my life; Namaste.

Much love,
M

How do we form a higher level of partnership?

Honesty

Be honest with yourself and with your partner. Many people feel they can't be honest, as they'll hurt their partner's feelings. The truth is that we'd much rather know, than be with someone who is vague in self preservation. I'd always suggest that if you can't be honest with yourself and stand by what you believe is true, you will never receive that in return from your partner.

Openness

Being openly you is the only reason you're here. Being open and forthcoming about your views, values, beliefs can only add to the beautiful vastness of this world, not take away from it. Knowing and being "self" can sometimes be clouded by someone else's opinions and the social condition we were born into, but fear not; as long as you're open with yourself, you'll always have access to your higher consciousness.

Ability to relate

Your level of ability to relate is the reason partners most often fight or disagree. Some of us are very selfishly focused and some of us are more externally oriented. Your ability to relate to another being is directly linked to your ability to relate to yourself; as much as you allow yourself, you'll allow others. Only from open allowing people to be themselves, can honest communication come forth and as a result the ability to relate with one another develops. 

Communication

If there's no communication, there's no relationship. Communication starts from the willingness to hear one another. Without willingness, there is no true communication, just two people speaking at one another. People communicate at different levels at different times, but in a context of partnership, I've found two different kinds of communication; the essential and the complementary. For the essential, we, as partners, may need to be a little flexible with our own time table and agenda. For the complimentary, there is no sense of urgency. 

Love; accepting your humanness

To have an etheric relationship with another is to link into the universal flow of love and acceptance. This is a different kind of relationship/partnership from the one we experience in the human life. Spiritual oneness is not associated with feelings, as the ability to feel only comes forth when we materialise in the human form. Spirit feels no right or wrong, in the spirit, it just is. The universal unconditional love and acceptance is a fact, which nothing can change, move or evolve. It's not stagnant either, it's just omnipresent. 

While no-one can always please their partner, it's good to accept the duality of the materialisation of our spiritual beingness in this life, and learn from one another, rather than stubbornly hold on to one's beliefs and learnt patterns. Remember; as long as we're humans, we will have needs that are either met by out partner or not.

Having needs does not mean being needy. The difference is that having needs enables growth and expansion, whereas being needy is suppressive.

Open your eyes, and your hearts to higher level of partnership. 

Much love,

M

Wicked games – Disagreements in Relationships

It often shocks people when I tell them that “it’s not your partner’s responsibility to make you feel good about yourself”. If my partner has to change in order for me to feel good, something is very seriously wrong.

I’m not saying that the relationship cannot evolve into a lovely dance for two with some flexibility, but to compromise our core selves for someone else will always come to bite us in the backside. Being flexible and looking for win-wins is very different for one compromising themselves and their values for the benefit of another.

Often times a win-win is possible, once we understand a few things.

A lot of us, when we are in a relationship, tend to become more or less dependent on our partner to make us feel good. It’s a very conditional love that we live when we need our partner to make us feel happy, but more importantly, the whole vicious cycle makes us more and more disempowered as time goes by.

In the beginning of each relationship, we tend to focus on the positives in one another. We see the smallest gestures as the most wonderful thing, and our partner has the ability to elevate our mood regardless of any other circumstance.

As time goes by, however, we usually need more and more gestures from our partner to make us feel good and soon there aren’t enough loops for them to jump through to make us happy. We may ask them to behave in a certain way, we may ask them to dress in a certain way, and we may even ask them to cook/clean/iron in a certain way, just so that we can feel happy.

The same works in reverse. When your partner is asking for you to change so that he/she can feel happy about themselves without a win-win outcome, they are asking you to compromise yourself for their sake. Many people, unfortunately, choose to compromise themselves in the name of avoiding conflict, and as a result they never allow their true self to come forth in the relationship.

Of course, the bottom line is that unless you can freely be the full expression of yourself, you continue put your “watered down” self forth to the relationship. When you are playing out the “watered down” version of yourself, your true magnificence will never shine, over time you become suppressed to varying degrees and the relationship, as it’s not based on truth, will eventually fold or lead us to chronic illness patterns. If unattended, the gap between who you have become accustomed to be and who you really are only tends to just naturally widen over time, until it becomes irreparable.

Get to know yourself, and then from that knowing and loving of self, you start to appreciate others as they are. The same is true for your partner. Support their growth and self-exploration, and your partnership can only grow stronger.

The best thing in a situation where your partner is not well in themselves is to listen to them, allow them to understand that you’ve heard what they’ve said (whether you agree with them or not) and try to help them find solutions for their problems, if they’re looking for them. Trying to offer solutions to a person who is not looking for them is not only a waste of time, it tends to lead the conversation to another rut, and turn it into an argument on another topic.

No solutions can be found at the thinking/feeling level of the problems.

When you (or your partner) do not feel well in yourself, retreat into your own company and deal with the underlying issue at hand. It’s never about “the thing”, but rather an issue that has been percolating within you. The surest sign of a long-standing, irritating issue is when you become reactive and irrational about something as trivial as how your partner brushes their teeth or how they drive. It’s important to understand that whether you’re feeling happy or sad, it’s always self inflicted, no exceptions.

While I’m all for expressing your opinions freely and “letting it rip”, I would always encourage people to do it in the privacy of their own company, or a trusted friend; I never do it in the presence of the other person involved. I try to never discuss any problem with that other person until I KNOW I’m ready to really hear what they have to say. If you both can come to the table from the point of view of hearing one another, you start to build more common ground and you’ll start to be (maybe even for the first time) really honest about yourselves and your feelings.

This is where healing truly happens – in self and in partnership.

True happiness in any relationship starts from within. It’s truly an inside job. Unless you’re happy in yourself, the good-feeling external validation will soon wear off and be replaced with feeling of longing for “how much happier we were in the beginning of the relationship” and “how much more he used to care about me”.

My disempowerment in any relationship can be lifted when I accept myself as I am and start to really appreciate myself and my values. When I realise, that I have the key to my own happiness, the need to make THAT ONE PERSON conform to my values dissipates. There are more suitable lovers in the universe than is understood, but until you’re willing to see them, you won’t. Whatever you focus on, you’ll see. So why not start to look for evidence of divinity in self and others around you?

The bottom line is that ANY relationship can work out, once we both are willing to come forth to the table with an open mind, but most importantly, with an open heart.