A Female playing games is not a Radiant Woman

What makes us women radiant?
Is it our dresses, jewellery and hair? No. Dig deeper!

Have you noticed how the females around you can change when they don't get their way? They can go from seeming open-hearted and inclusive to bitter, exclusive and even bitchy in a short period of time.

I've been observing people around me for years. This kind of "made up", image-focused, insecure feminine resorts to game playing, manipulation and at whatever cost, preservation of self-ego and their illusion. 

Unfortunately, defensive behaviour in females seems almost an automatic response these days. I'm sure all of us females have at one point or another been the receiver of "backstabbing" or unwarranted verbal or emotional abuse from someone we considered to be our friend.

Granted, the feminine essence is about flow, movement, change and communication. However, anyone can see (and feel) the difference between someone communicating with an open heart and someone trying to take position with verbal or emotional abuse.

This kind of abuse has not happened in my life for years now, mainly because I became fiercely selective of the people I spent time with. Or, alternatively, I have accepted it as a part of someone's MO, and as such I have set very clear boundaries about it, and how much I tolerate it from them. This is not to say, however, that females haven't tried it on more recently.

I relocated to a new country recently, and naturally, I encountered a series of new people in this process. Some of them male, some of them female. What was interesting, though, was that the males all responded pretty much the same way: welcoming, inclusive and warm; appreciating the reasons for my move and how big a deal it was for me to leave my life behind tens of thousands of kms away.

As for the females, received a  repertoire of mixed responses. Some of them quickly became my soul sisters, some of them very real, helpful and caring. Some of them were overly sweet at first, and when that didn't work, they tried to assert their dominance and "put me in my place" with belittling comments and snide remarks. And some of them; well, how can I say this; outright refused to see the new reality, in which I was, indirectly, a part of their lives.

My "bitch-antennae" always arise when someone is overly enthusiastic to meet me and when they're not in the top of my list of priorities, they become defensive, offensive and frankly, very unappealing. Or when doing a deed in the benefit of a person who pretends that I don't exist, they then proceed to punish people around them for... well... it could be anything, really, but mostly something that does not fit their illusion about how things are....but of course, disguised as something entirely different.

Confused yet? I'm not surprised. It's all too much for me. Taking part in people's  illusions is way too complicated and time-consuming.

The difference between females playing these games and the women who are welcoming and radiant is massive. One group is motivated by fear, and the other is inspired by shared caring, kindness and communication.

Being a radiant woman does not mean that you won't have issues come up, and that you don't get emotional from time to time. It does mean, however, that you take responsibility of your feelings and how you let them affect the people around you. 

Sure, we can't always "contain" ourselves, and to expect that would most likely result in a bitter disappointment. However, the epidemic of  broken feminine power games being a default setting in our interaction with others is very much beginning to lose it's grip with more and more women becoming empowered within, and accepting themselves for who they are.

Self-acceptance, asking for what is right for her and learning to embrace both masculine and feminine energies within, a woman can become strong, inclusive, kind and open-hearted. 
A woman's radiance shines from her open heart. Shared kindness rising from within is what makes a woman radiant, not her external façade of make up, clothes and jewellery.

The trustable men and other kind-hearted women cannot help but respond to this radiance, and deep, and possibly long-standing personal and professional connections can be created.

Imagine: no more bitching and back-stabbing. No more petty power games and manipulation.

Can you feel the freedom in becoming a Radiant Woman? 

What's your unique selling point?

We often think about and talk about what we're looking for in another person. But what do we have to offer? I don't know many people who's made a list of their unique "selling points" and why those values are important to them. So here it goes, this is me:

1. Honesty; you can always trust I'm honest with you. This to me is important, because if I can't be honest with myself, I can't be honest with others. Any relationship has to be based on honesty, as without it the relationship is not real.

2. Support; I'm probably the most supportive person I know. I'm your cheerleader in whatever it is that you want to pursue for you. I will try to help you the best I can to achieve your goals, dreams and visions. I value the mutual support in a relationship, as not only is co-creation SOOOOOOO much fun, it's allowing us to expand together and learn from one another.

3. I'm generous. I'm generous with all my resources, when I feel they're being appreciated and handled with respect.

4. I have a good sense of humour. I always, eventually, laugh at things that go "south". I love a good laugh, loads of fun and bantering!

5. If we are in a relationship, you have my undivided relationship attention. My faithfulness comes from a place of knowing my space. I was never good at dividing my attention between many people, and having done the whole "open relationship" -thing, monogamy has become my preference. I have so much to offer, and want to explore things on such a deep level of knowing, understanding and love, that when in a relationship, I'm simply not interested in exploring those things with others.

6. I have a killer body. (No explanation needed)


With tongue-in-cheek,
M

What do women REALLY want from a potential partner?

Then answer is simple; we all want different things. Not helpful, eh?

Ok, here's what turns me on and why;

1. A man who knows what he wants (and one that knows themselves); this is on the top of my list because unless both of you know yourself and what you want, the relationship is based on an unconscious level and understanding. Not that it can't work at that level; it can; once the level of unconsciousness of both people is in a vicinity of one anothers' and the values are at a similar level.

For me, if a man is unclear about what they want, it creates unnecessary currents underneath the relationship turning it to be about something other than what it's supposed to be about; joyful co-creation and individual and collective expansion.

2. Passion for who they are and what they do; a man who already experiences passion in their lives on a regular basis is more likely to be passionate about their relationship with themselves and as an extension with their significant other. Passion and appreciation tend to travel somewhat parallel journeys, at least in the human realm, and there's nothing more delicious than the feeling of pure appreciation for a moment, person or circumstance.

3. A man who takes responsibility for how they're feeling; nothing's more off-putting for me than a person who blames another for how they are feeling. Of course, we all do this to some extent, I'm no different, but at the end of it all, I take responsibility for my own feelings and how they affect the bigger picture.

What do other women want - hard to say sometimes, but it seems like there's someone for everyone and we need to look at our individual needs to find out what turns us on; putting very little emphasis on social and familial conditioning.

Ok, if I HAD to be more collective; I have noticed - especially after a conversation with a friend who highlighted this in a new way - that most women find a man who knows what he wants and is clear about it more appealing to a woman as a potential partner than a man who is not sure (which interestingly was my first preference).

Bottom line? Feel (intentionally, if you need to) for what turns you on and go with that feeling. Follow the feeling of turned-on-ness, not the one which is based on fears. Our fears tend to only make us focus on what we don't want; blurring the clarity of our joyful, expansive experience.

Whenever we do or don't do something out of fear of losing ourselves or compromising our values, we go for retraction, not expansion. The true expansion comes from connectedness, turned-on-ness and allowing yourself and others fully.

Remember; focus on what's important to you and this shall be your experience. Doubt it, and this will be your experience.

Whether we think we can or can't; either way we're right.

Much love and even more appreciation,
M

When a spouse "puts their foot down"

There's no other reason to "put your foot down", except fear. The fear of what? Ultimately, the fear of losing control.

Someone I know was big into their natural horsemanship. They teach it; only exclusively, as her horses are so very dear to her. She picks her students carefully and had ended up helping a girl who had had a bad experience in the traditional horse world.

She had not been taught how horses think, how they behave and as a result of a few close-call accidents, she had lot her confidence. She knew nothing about horses on the ground, and had just been "thrown" on a horse and pushed to go hacking on the roads.

Making the long story short, my friend started teaching her about psychological, physiological and emotional behaviour of horses, and allowed a safe launching pad for this girl's confidence to build again. 7 months into the teaching she was riding again, not quite confidently, but thereabouts.

My friend had been observing her student and the relationship she had built with a little rescued thoroughbred mare. This mare, even though she had had some health scares, was now settled into a maintenance mode, and was as healthy as any other horse. As the relationship between the student and the horse had developed, my friend had intentionally taught this girl how to manage this particular horse, with an eye of transferring the ownership of this horse (reliable, calm, perfect size for the student and already known by the student) over to the student. The student had been excited about taking the horse over, and my friend had started to plan accordingly.

All of a sudden, the student informs my friend that she won't be taking over this beautiful little thoroughbred mare, that her mother-in-law (the same person who had tried to teach the student before, which ended up in a loss of confidence) had bought a horse that they would be sharing. Apparently, her husband had "put his foot down" in regards to the student not taking over the thoroughbred horse, because she is too big of a financial risk.

This new horse is an ex riding club horse, with a lot of mileage and she's lame at the moment. She has only been ridden traditionally, which means that she's most likely dominant towards the rider out of self-preservation. The mother-in-law will also be riding the new horse, which means that even if my friend's student does natural exercises with the horse when she's with her, the two different types of communications will confuse the horse and cause stress in the various partnerships, not to even mention the high likelihood of the dangerous situations.

It looks to me that this can not end well; all out of the husband's fear of losing control and what "might happen" with the thoroughbred mare.

When we make fear-based decisions, we usually get it wrong. Have you ever made an inspired decision; one that gives you a sense of elation, even if it makes no sense cerebrally? It feels so wonderful, when you KNOW your decision is the right one. When you're being pressurised into decisions that are not right, you feel anxiety.

My friend was happy at the end that this is the way that things had turned out, as she would have been gutted had she transferred her beloved horse over and THEN realised what the scenario in regards to pressure was within that family. All she wanted was to give her student the best possible re-start in her equestrian life, but as she realised later on, it's not her responsibility to make sure that everybody is ok.

When it comes to relationships, one of the sure signs of co-dependency is someone "putting their foot down". Agreeing on things, disagreeing on things and negotiating things are all signs of co-creative relationship.

How can everyone win? How can my spouse win? What am I really afraid of? How can I best support my spouse in his/her growth process?

Of course, there are deal breakers and isn't that just the bottom line of relationships? This whole ordeal made me feel blessed, if only for one realisation:

I will never be told what to do. There is no space in my life for subservient-ship. I want to flow free in my own experiences without feeling like I'm being "owned" by someone. Don't get me wrong; I so want to co-create. But when you try to control others and their behaviour, you're only causing them to resent you and that's when you start growing apart.

Ask my ex-husband.

With much love
M

Perfect Partnership

It's easy to write about a failed relationship when you truly think that even though it ended, it did not fail. One of my very favourite ex 's has taught me so very many lessons. I will always be in appreciation of his presence and teachings in my life.

Having learnt the lesson about unconditional love, unconditional acceptance and the appreciation of differences, it was time to learn the newest one; compatibility of process.

Let's clarify the practical definitions of the above:

Unconditional love - the ability to love a person, place, thing or circumstance regardless of their behaviour or appearance.

Unconditional acceptance - the ability to accept a person, place, thing or circumstance regardless of the behaviour or appearance.

Appreciation of differences - recognition of differences in people, cultures, learnt patterns and conditions and the ability to appreciate the differences between them.

Compatibility of process is probably the most practical one of all. It relates to the compatibility of 2 or more people/places/things/circumstances that are co-creating at the same time.

To give an example of a compatibility of process, which most people can relate to, the easiest one would be the relationship with your significant other.

You can love one another unconditionally, you can accept one another unconditionally and you can even appreciate differences in one another, but unless you have compatibility in your personal learning/expansion process, the flowing and appreciative co-creation is almost impossible. In order to make a relationship work, the compatibility between yours and your partner's process has to match on the core value level.

Your core values are the values you came forth with from the non-physical. They are innate preferences, inclinations, if you like, of the reflection of who you decided to come forth and live this life experience as.

Many of us tend to not know what our core values are. Even if we do, we tend to put our values aside to please another being, place, thing or circumstance (ultimately another being).

My observation in relationships is that most of them operate from a mode of incompatibility of process - leaving people drifting further and further apart. As people drift apart, it's the rare person who stands up and asks for what they want and recognises that perhaps their processes are not as compatible as they thought - most couples just continue their relationship for "the sake of the children".

Compatibility of process - even though it's not the most spiritual concept - was one brought forth from the human  realm to allow more gradual movement towards spirituality.

It's not necessarily the most expansive concept either, but it's worth noting that as most of human beings and humanity has veered so off the spiritual course, it's an extremely useful process to reconnect with self, higher self, others and the spiritual journey in this human experience.

Bringing the above concepts - unconditional love and acceptance, appreciation of differences and the compatibility of process - together is to live the ultimate human experience.

The spiritual being in the human body - having the spiritual, or holistic, understanding with the - oh so delicious - human emotions.

That's fulfilled relationships are made of.

Much love,
M

Playing second base to pornography

Playing second base is an interesting concept. I have been asked to do so or maybe I was expected to, in the name of self exploration.

I've heard it all; "it's not the same that I look at porn"; "these people are just exhibitionists and they do the posing because they want to".

Putting aside the fact that anyone who feels the need to exhibit themselves are doing it because of low self esteem (wanting to feel good about themselves and to get attention) and should be felt sorry for; and the fact that most of the "industry" is filled with people being put into boxes and be objectified, anyone who needs a visual stimulus to get going is missing a vital component in their relationship with themselves. In short, they're disconnected.

When did we ever stop being connected to ourselves? I hear porn-watching people giving out about work-a-holism, when they think there's nothing wrong with relieving self over pictures of some random "nobodies" on line. Talk about disconnect. Don't get me wrong, we're all into something. It's up to each individual to decide which game they're comfortable playing.

The bottom line is that when you need to be stimulated by pictures to feel connected to yourself through arousal, you might as well be addicted to a substance. It's a quick fix, it makes you feel good, it usually means nothing anyway, and it may ruin your close relationships. Sounds an awful like any addiction. In other words, it's not just your partner that is asked to play second base, you're in the losing team yourself.

People connected to themselves are tuned in, tapped in and turned on by LIFE. These are the people who turn me on (and frankly most other women, although they would never say it because they're afraid of losing their partner).

Are you turned on by life?

Much love
M 

On being yourself despite your friends and family

My spirituality has caused some of my friends and family to be uncomfortable. The latest occurrence was today, as one of my horsey-fb-friends made a comment on the loopy status updates on my wall.

It made me think about a friend who is going through her spiritual "coming out of the closet". Her family can not understand her even wanting to grow in herself and get to know herself, and they want to have her committed. According to them, she's predictably unpredictable, she's talking about things like preserving the rights and the honour of animals and she has turned vegetarian. She's joined new clubs, which are at the leading edge of the future developments and she feels very strongly about how the future should look like in her line or work, hobby and passion. Sounds crazy, eh?

Surely, following your own instincts, principles and thinking outside the box is not THAT weird, that someone should be committed. OK, granted, she feels strongly about honouring animals and their needs, but which animal lover doesn't.

Anyone, at the leading edge of thought can be labelled "weird" by people who are still stuck in the traditional way of thinking. The question is; when do we start learning from the geniuses amongst us. This lady has so much insight, and is inspiring me with her journey and discoveries every day. She's only one of hundreds of friends I have who inspire me. Although there's different levels of consciousness amongst us, the universal truth remains the same: when we judge another, it's because our own beliefs, social and familial conditioning and level of ignorance is being challenged and we are not keeping up with the expansion and learnings on offer.

It is the brave one, who is willing to see past the "normalcy" of having to put another down to feel good about self. Weak people gather together to feel stronger - true leaders focus on their personal growth, even if it means standing alone at the leading edge.

I heard a great saying once; when you're green you're growing, when you're ripe, you're rotting.

Is your mind open to growth?