Meaningfulness of Words

Where I come from, words are meaningful. Maybe it's because I come from a place where very few words are used. Let's face it, without communication there rarely can be a relationship.

To hear someone tell me that they appreciate me, that they love me and cherish me is lovely. What can I say, it's a human thing. On a higher level, we know that we are loved, but how much of spiritual experience do we want to live in this human body? Aren't we here because we chose to live this life before materialising of our physiological bodies and feel all emotions and feelings on a human emotional guidance scale? Or can you even say that one is more important than the other?

Big questions, I know.

Today I had lunch with my dear friend, Tom. We were looking at monogamist relationship versus connecting with many people at the same time. Having always known that I was not into polygamist relationships (and yes, I tried, even against my better knowing), my view was pretty clear cut - not for me.

Tom made a good point; the more you share your attention between partners, the more you tend to take singular qualities from each person and discard the rest. It's simply not possible to explore the wholeness of each person and to get to know them on a deep level at the same time.

My view on it is, that I want to know one person; wholly; at the time. I want to learn unconditional love through a wholistic approach, not just on an airy-fairy "let's all love everyone" kind of a superficial, un-examining way.

If words are not given any value in regards to how they are used, what's the point of using any words at all? To hear me say, "I love you" is rare. Those words to me are sacred. It doesn't mean that I can't let someone know that they are important to me, even dear and appreciated. I do choose my WORDs very carefully.

While I understand universal love and oneness, I feel that there is something very delicious about the human experience and the ability to feel feelings and emotions. You can be sure that I will never be willing to sacrifice that ability in the name of spirituality, no way, no how!

The Divine Feminine says; "True spirituality allows."

She suggests that it allows everything, the duality of human existence and spiritual connection; every single point of view. No-one is wrong, it's just all of us in it together, wanting different experiences at different times, I guess the trick for me is to connect with one, who has the same angle of appreciation.

My question is; is it our language; our words; or our value system that needs to be in alignment with our potential partner? Or will all of this be a non-issue, if there is sufficient communication and willingness to understand one another? Are you (am I) committed (to yourself and your personal growth and deeper understanding) to go deeper than skin to find out the wholeness of your (my) partner and the gifts that these revelations bring to your own life?

Much love,
M

PS. See how I didn't say "I love you", but found another way of expressing my appreciation for our universal oneness. Peace.

Wicked Games - Jealousy Pt 2

What's interesting is how things re-surface, even though you think you've dealt with the issue. If you've ever experienced a re-surfacing emotion, you know exactly what I'm talking about. When my jealousy re-surfaced, instead of beating myself up for feeling likeI would have done before, I just went WEEEEEEE!!! with my fall from the heights I had reached before. I may be falling, but I know I'll bounce back up higher and stronger than ever before. I now know about my love trampoline below me.

The reason for my re-surfacing jealousy was not the fact that I felt like I was being left for something better, which, indeed was the case as I was growing up. It was the fact that I had lost confidence on myself as a result of being kicked in the head by a horse less than a week previously.

Having dealt with the physiological results of the impact including the psychological shock, I felt very well physically and psychologically about the incident, but emotionally I had lost my confidence in myself and life, and as a result, I started having nightmares where I was being assaulted, I started hearing stories about break-ins, and I started to see evidence of my loved ones being deceitful. Only because I had lost confidence in MYSELF.

The common denominator here is ME. Because it's ME who feels powerless, it's ME who sees evidence of powerlessness everywhere. And this is something that only I (ME) can take responsibility of.

Having dealt with issues of jealousy before and understanding that underneath it all is MY depressed sense of self worth, I know I can deal with it again. Whatever emotions surface, regardless of the subject, it's never about the thing that triggers the emotion; It's never about the other person.

Understanding that will automatically put the responsibility of finding a better feeling place back to me and it let's the other person off the hook.

What I do when this occurs is I go into myself with the goal of finding a better feeling place about myself and the rest will follow. When I feel well in myself, I will, once again, see evidence of empowerment, love and understanding. But until I do, I don't go "trying to sort things out" with that other who has "hurt my feelings".

Until then,
With love.
M 

My Trampoline of Love (sounds naughty)

Remember when you were a child and you were bouncing up and down on a trampoline? The more enthusiastically you jumped and the wider the trampoline you had, the higher you could bounce after a while of jumping on it.

Our love is like a trampoline; we all have a trampoline of love. Some of us wear our heart on our sleeves - expressing ourselves, not afraid to show how wide and deep a trampoline we have. Some of us want to keep our trampoline to ourselves and not let anyone see us bounce, just in case we fall off it and can't preserve our dignity.

Like many people, I've had several trampolines over the years. My first one I kept behind closed curtains, and rarely let anyone see me bounce. It was a small one, quite a shallow one, like some of those gym exercise trampolines where you do aerobic bouncing in a class. I was testing it out, small bit at the time, making sure I was making no mistakes or that I didn't lose my balance.

My next trampoline was one where sometimes I invited others to join me, still on my bouncing terms and still very aware of how I looked, but this time a little more trusting.

My trampoline after that was one I thought I was going to hold on to for the rest of my life. I got very familiar, with the basic bouncing, I felt comfortable. It was nothing too exciting, but at the same time the bouncing was pretty safe. We were bouncing higher and higher together, gathering nice momentum, until my bouncing partner started to bounce slower and slower, breaking the rhythm. He was determined not to bounce any higher than he had to, and inevitably we bounced out of each others' experiences.

All of a sudden I found myself bouncing alone, out of sync, randomly from one side of my old trampoline to the other. Then my trampoline collapsed. I was exhausted from the random bouncing and didn't feel like bouncing for a while. And of course, I had to either fix the old trampoline or build a new one.

I rested. Then I built a new one.

I was determined to open myself up more, build a wider and deeper trampoline than ever before and not be afraid to allow new heights.

Like with all trampolines, the higher you jump, the further you fall and the heavier you fall, the higher you sky-rocket again!

I became fearless. I let it all go. I left all preconceived ideas about love and relationships behind and went for it!

I now know that when I hit the trampoline, I plummet deeper into myself; allowing more understanding and love to come forth when inevitably I sky-rocket to an even higher level of love on my way up. And let me tell you, the view from the new heights is breathtaking!

Only this time, when I fall again, in stead of screaming NOOOOOO, I scream WEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Love
M

The Perfect Partner - an illusion or a probability?

As many of you and my nearest and dearest know, I'm an avid manifestor of; well; pretty much anything I want. Would it work with my perfect partner?

Many say: become the person you want to meet. I'm thinking; OK, but what about the complimenting qualities which would bind our experiences tighter together, while allowing even more understanding and personal development?

I've come to a few conclusions about myself: I want to pair up with a man who's passionate about what they do, and who know what they want (from their life).

The reason why these two things are very important to me is because it's important to me that my partner understands and appreciates my passion or "calling" to my work fully. The second point of knowing oneself, well; knowing self leads to understanding self better and as a by-product, understanding others at a deeper level.

I know we all want different things, and so I asked my 72-year old client about the secret to a happy marriage, and she responded:
Kindness - be there and be kind for another.
Laughter - have fun with one another.
Appreciation - be appreciative about your and your partner's values.

For me, I think she hit the nail in the head with her responses.

I've observed women recently, especially here in Ireland and it seems like we have forgotten to be kind, appreciative and humorous. We're so worried about equality while trying to keep the traditions going, that we forgot one of our own strengths, while adopting more masculine qualities. It's become a very confusing situation altogether here in Ireland, when it comes to relationships. The roles have changed drastically in the last few decades and the newly experienced "freedom" has certainly changed the face of our "everywoman".

Women here have become very assertive out of fear of losing control and dignity. They've become more independent (again, a fear-based trigger) and they demand more of themselves trying to establish and prove themselves in the workforce. No wonder guys have become afraid to ask girls out, to commit and show chivalry or any kind of vulnerability.

The song of a happy woman's laughter is often times overtaken by seriousness of life, once the kids come along and grown-ups forget about themselves and their own needs. And when we don't feel like our needs are being met, NOBODY is having ANY fun!

Women's natural appreciation for love and family tends to be there only for those special occasions; anniversaries, Christmases and graduation days, when the only time ever is right now. The more a man spends on a Valentine's flowers, the more he cares. Hmmm....

We often times don't realise that we have the power to change how we view things. Not only do we have the responsibility to ourselves to be happy and content in ourselves, we have the opportunity to show the future generations how it's done.

Often times, provided that there's a mutual willingness to find a resolution and common tune, any relationship can be turned around. Being divorced, I can say that it absolutely takes two to tango, but if your partner is not willing to evolve, don't worry. Just hold on to the picture of your own happiness and appreciation, bless your current partner with all his attributes, and your perfect partner will arrive to your life. It may be the one who you're already with, or a new partner will be attracted into your experience, and the transition will be inevitable.

Regardless of your current relation status and situation, follow the wisdom of the Divine Feminine: "Right now is the time when I appreciate your every quality, my perfect partner. Right now is when we can laugh, and fool around. Right now is the time to see my kindness reflected in you."

It's OK to be kind, happy and appreciative. It's OK to turn off the news for a month and see how much resource and love there is all around us. Switch off the negative expression of relationships in form of news, drama and sitcoms. Switch off your telly, open your heart and your mind will eventually follow.

My perfect partner, you're only an adjustment away. An adjustment of my own alignment.

Much love,
M

Wicked Games - Boundaries

Boundaries happen, even if we'd like to think that there should be no need for them. There are two types of boundaries; ones set up out of fear and ones set up with expansion in mind.



Binding boundaries; 

These are set when we feel that we need to protect our space, values or belief systems. Binding boundaries always have the overriding feeling of threat associated with them. They are set out of defensiveness or offensiveness, and they do not promote personal growth or expansion. Most people are not used to settng boundaries, because they have been conditioned to be the "good boy/girl" that they should be. As a result, when people first start setting any boundaries, they usually start with setting binding boundaries.

Setting binding boundaries is a great way of moving on to more conscious beingness, as for the first time, with binding boundaries, you're starting to "stand up" for yourself and what you believe.


Expansive boundaries;

These are set when we reach our next level of understanding and choose our direction of thought, sometimes followed by action. The action part of expansive boundaries are very close to the binding boundaries, and when we set expansive boundaries, we have to be sure that we are doing it out of it feeling right, not because we feel we need to protect our new place of consciousness from someone or some thing.

Expansive boundaries occur from higher knowingness, an understanding that everything is perfect as is. There is also a sense of eagerness for more.


My favourite story about a binding/expansive boundaries is a story of my friend, Gemma. She had been studying spirituality for years; chanting, transformation of cellular memory, the works. She met Mark at one of these weekend workshops, and they instantly fell in love.

They lived in different parts of the world, Gemma in the UK and Mark in the US. They were on skype constantly. Gemma went to the States to meet with Mark and Mark was planning to some over, but something always happened and he kept changing his travel plans. 6 months went by and the distance and the time difference was causing difficulties. They spoke more and more rarely, and Gemma had a feeling that Mark was not as into her as he had been before. There was always a reason why he wasn't on this plane and that. Gemma was livid; she had put her life on hold for a year for empty promises. She started to work on it.

She tapped into herself regularly, meditating around the problem, and allowing understanding to come forth. She spoke to our mutual friend, Tom, got help from him and understood that Mark was only acting out his ego, because he was afraid that he wouldn't be good enough for her.

Gemma spoke to Mark about her observations, feelings and thoughts. She tried to get on the same page with him, but he was not willing to let go of his ego driven fear. He became frustrated, angry and accusatory. He set further boundaries, claiming that Gemma wanted to have a co-dependent relationship and that he had no interest in ever being told what to do and when to do it.

Gemma decided to let him follow his path, and cut out regular communication.

Gemma, having had her own relationship issues; sense of abandonment and unworthiness; and having worked through them was not willing to live that reality again. She felt that she was in a higher understanding of the truth about herself, seeing the perfection of others, and wanting to expand even more.

She wanted to expand in love, mutual partnership, looking to starting a family, and she was firmly holding on to her vision and her own path. Mark had decided not to walk that path with her, and that was ok, as Gemma believed that everyone's path is perfect for them.

Having got clarity on her path, she soon met Larry. Larry was not only spiritual, he was looking for the same experiences in the human realm as Gemma. They sussed each other out for a while, but inevitably got together, fell in love and even now, 15 years later, they live in co-creative expansiveness and support of one another.

Their respect for one anothers' preferences matched to a tee. Not because there's only one soul mate for everyone, but because there was ability and willingness to align with one another. Neither one of them felt compromised; and both of their "needs" were fulfilled.

Gemma had chosen to set an expansive boundary with Mark, not because she was afraid of what would happen if she didn't, and not because she wanted to fit him into her box, but because of her keenness to continue her own growth. She knew the direction that was right for her and followed it, showing unconditional love towards herself and her values. She never doubted her path, not once.

It was only a question of time, before her match would appear. She had let go of all expectations; there was no pressure to meet anyone; it was just the heart-filling knowingness that took over and guided her to her perfect partner.

I so love this story.
To Gemma and Larry!

Love,
M

Exploring the true self - even at the cost of a relationship breakdown?

It took me a long time to get to know myself. I remember, I had been living in Ireland for 5 years and; most of them miserable, as I missed home and my friends. The only thing keeping me here was my ex. I had literally slotted myself into another's life without my own family, friends, hobbies and a proper career. I has been accepted into a prestigious bodywork school in Helsinki a year before, but had turned it down as I was convinced that my relationship with my ex-husband was the most important thing.

Looking back at it; I had given up what meant everything to me; horses included. I was living in the suburbs, not driving and poor public transport left me with little ability to even get away to the countryside which I so loved.

Bottom line: I was living someone else's life in exchange to a relationship.

So, 5 years into it I got sick of being miserable and lonely. No, I had no desire to sit in the pubs and talking to my ex's friends' girlfriends and wives about nail polish and hair. I wanted real friends. I wanted a real career. I wanted to live in the country and I wanted horses and dogs and everything! Most importantly, I wanted to be loved for who I was, not who I was supposed to be.

That year; 2002, I started to study bodywork in Ireland. I got myself a driver's license and I started to get my own friends. It was a year of exploration of self and what was important to me.

2003 I got my bodywork qualifications, started to practise and really allow myself to come forth. I truly believe that the opening with the bodywork to my stream was the key to everything else to follow. It started the flow; it allowed me to explore myself, my abilities, my likes and dis-likes, I got to meet and help amazing people and to this day; every client I see amazes and delights me.

Needless to say, he didn't want the same things. Yes, I'm divorced now, but my life is perfect. I have my home in the country which I share with my dog and my cat. I have 5 delightful horses who keep teaching me more and more about myself every day. I have a successful career in bodywork; clinic, colleagues working with me, and last but not least; I have the most beautiful friends in my life. I am truly happy and my heart sings from fullness of love and appreciation.

To share this happiness with another; this bliss; would be lovely, but it's not necessary. I will never again compromise what's important to me; this life that I've created, and these relationships that I've co-created. But for sure; there's room for one more to join in! ;)

As always; I keep the intention remembering that the timing is none of my business.

 Can you see my halo - Liberty Bell

 Part of the herd

 Kit

Welcome home

Love,
M

Touch

Touch

The silent message
with the power of a steam train
the lover's reminder of soul connection.


Touch

Inside burning
sensation of wanting
to go with another.


Touch

The meaning of everything
the knowing of bodies
evidence of life.


To be touched is to live.

Love,
M

You're irrelevant to my alignment but very important to me

Until we accept the fact that the only person we'll ever be with our whole lives is ourselves and start to follow our own path, we cannot be fully satisfied. To live through another person only inevitably brings on resentment and depletion of an individual's self worth. 

We need to be self focused, and it's only the people who do not have a great relationship with themselves that see the self focused people as selfish. When you see selfishness around you, it's a clear indication of the fact that you've given too much OF yourself, rather than filling yourself up to fullness and then overflowing for others. 

Once you find a relationship, an equal one, where both parties take responsibility of their own feelings, their own alignment and own direction, you can start to build a co-creative future together. On the other side of the coin, if you have to fight for your voice to be heard, and if you need games to feel somewhat empowered, you know you're not open for a source relationship to arrive.

Although the Divine Feminine knows that no relationship is in vein, as there are teachings to be had from all of them, she encourages everyone not to compromise themselves in the process. 

Too many people are happy to give OF themselves,  make themselves a martyr, just to feel important. To release martyrdom is to accept self and all one's desires without judgement. Then it's time to ALLOW. 

If you feel judgemental towards another, they're just a decoy to take your eyes off yourself. Remember, no matter how much we feel judged by another, you can bet your bottom dollar that they're a hundred times more judgemental about themselves. We are our own worst critics. 

It's time to love self, to accept self, to make self right. It's time to connect to the most important person in your  life - YOU. 

From that place of self love and acceptance arise all other relationships. All your existing relationships are a reflection of how you feel about yourself just now. That can change any time. To have a significant other is lovely, and the only way of attracting a source relationship is to be connected to source (self) first, without needing another to fulfil us. 

You, my (future) lover ARE important to me, but my connection to my source is my priority. Without that connection, I have nothing real to give you. 

I love you.

M 

Through the eyes of the Divine Feminine.

Wicked Games - Jealousy Pt1

I used to be jealous. I was so worried about being left for something better that I saw everybody as a threat. It was so binding, sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe.

It wasn't until I realised my full worth, that jealousy became irrelevant.

Once again I was communicating with my then "significant other" feeling like he was paying too much and the "wrong kind" of attention to another woman. I was feeling particularly bad about myself, worthless, tired and I needed his support which I didn't feel I was getting. I flipped out and went straight to the childhood feelings of being unimportant - to my core.

First I started shouting and beating the ground - I was LIVID. Then I started sobbing (to my father); "why didn't you love me? Why wasn't I enough. Can't you see you've fucked up my trust in all men?" . I went to the very bottom of the feeling of not enough-ness, cried and hyper-ventilated until there was no sorrow left, until there only was this feeling of soothing space and clarity. All the heaviness had lifted. I had reached the very bottom of a fear. Fear of not being good enough.

I remember thinking specifically; "if this is as bad as it ever gets, this feels ok. I have nothing more to fear". And then I felt my Divine Feminine very clearly; I'm worth everything. I'm a gorgeous, loving, giving, nurturing soul. I have so much loving co-creation to do, so much love to be and so much love to share. There was no more fear to explore.

When I could feel that; I started seeing everyone through the eyes of the Divine Feminine; my father who had given me the gift of understanding, that we're all doing the best we can. My partner couldn't do anything other than what he could; what a blessing that he inspired me to go to the bottom of my fear.

The games that people play to get attention, to try to make another jealous, to try to make them feel important, are all games that I now understand are only the best they can do. It has nothing to do with me.

The need for me to play games; to ask people to jump through hoops disappeared immediately when I remembered my importance and relevance (to me).

For me it's very clear now: I no longer respond to people playing games, I just bless them knowing they're doing the best they can, and move on.

I no longer need games to connect.

I want the real thing, and have that to offer in return.

Much Love,
M

Online Relationships - can they ever be real?

I had a beautiful online relationship for a year. Being an independent person myself, it suited me to have a long-distance relationship to begin with. A little bit of distance and safety, a little time to get to know one another well before I fell madly in love.

After a few months of very intensive communication, I took the plunge, and travelled literally to the other side of the world to meet him. This challenged every relationship related belief I had, and of course, from my point of view was also a challenge in terms of feeling safe and being self-employed: not having any income for 3 weeks I was missing from work.

I loved it! We matched on many levels and my heart got what it so desired; being present with a soul-mate. It was beautiful! I was so sure this person would be in my life forever more, and when I left to go back to my work, horses and life in Ireland, I left my heart behind to Australia.

I got home and was depressed for 2 weeks, then started to slowly feel again. I missed being in a presence of another, being loved and touched. Instead I was what felt like being "downgraded" to Skype calling and Facebook messages.

We started to plan for him to come over, but all the time, I felt like I wanted it more than him. He was not willing to meet the practical targets to make it happen. 4 months later after numerous changes of flight plans I stopped waiting. Then my horse got sick and I no longer had time to make available for him online. He should have been here already, I though, and decided to move on.


The beautiful gifts and lessons I learnt from this brief relationship were amazing:

1. I learnt to set boundaries again on another level; I had been generous in terms of my time and resources, and I realised that it's far better to let your loved ones figure their own way in life, rather than me helping them with everything.

2. I missed being touched. We all need to be touched. Some of us need it more than others, but for me; being in a tactile profession and giving so much touch and not receiving any was a deal breaker.

3. I realised that I can choose to be happy, healthy and loving regardless of who's at the receiving end. To put the "it has to be YOU" pressure on people is not a good foundation for a relationship.

4. Ending a relationship does not have to be painful. It can be allowed and appreciated as much as beginning a relationship.

5. There's no blame. Yes, I must have been more eager to make it work, more clear on what I wanted and more ready to commit to one person, but it doesn't mean that the other person is wrong in any way. This is what I want and what you want is perfect for you, and I respect that.


For me, I love being in a relationship; I love companionship, laughs, shared experiences; but the biggest gift of this past relationship is that I no longer am afraid of relationships ending. Instead of feeling bad about a "failed relationship" I'm now taking my learnings with humility and grace and bring them forward to my already percolating relationship escrow.

Let us dance.
Love
M

In love

Meeting people post Divorce - Why is it so difficult?

After my separation and a subsequently my divorce, I started seeing people again. It was a conscious decision; "here we go, let's make it happen" and "I'm ready for this!".

I wasn't ready at all.

Lesson number 5: Trying to meet people just because you "should" move on is not great, but it serves a purpose.

I mainly met people but they were immature, looking for an instant gratification or just way too unstable for me. They weren't able to hold an intellectual conversation (ie not interested) or I felt like they were stubbornly holding on to their belief systems in order not to be challenged to grow.

Boy, was it challenging for me to date people who were "unavailable". And then it hit me like a train; I realised that the only person "unavailable" was me. I was blocking my own ability to meet interesting people, because I was not aligned with it. I wasn't allowing it in.

The social pressure to move on (when you're of certain age) and settle down and have kids was interesting to observe. I have always been blessed to have friends to whom I can speak candidly about my experiences, who would allow me to go through every stage of my evolution; from dis-empowerment to anger to hopefulness to joy without questioning any of it. I, after having done one or two "shoulds", moved on from it; with the help of my friends; to letting go of all social pressures and just enjoying what was in front of me; this repertoire of new people, new experiences and the knowing that people can be met just about anywhere.

So actually, meeting people when you're divorced or single (same thing goes with business) is not about what you do or where you do it. It's about how aligned with yourself you are; when you are happy with yourself and open to meeting people, you'll become a magnet for others in the similar vibration in no time!

Get yourself open and the people will arrive! (Build it and they will come.)

Now, how do you meet your perfect partner?

Love and blessings,
M

Why are we so quick to commit?

How many of us truly follow our desires?

I'm in a blessed position to do what I absolutely adore for a living, I get to talk to people and then help them. It's official; I wear my heart in my sleeve.

I used to give my heart away, instead of sharing it. It felt good when someone accepted the heart. But when it was rejected; BOY! I could have plummeted into depression because I KNEW that I was worth nothing.

I love to observe social conditioning. Here in Ireland the church (yes, lower case and in case you were wondering, catholic) has still been in power, conforming people up until very recently. Coming from a country of mainly Lutheran religion; priests are normal men and women, growing up, marrying, having kids and divorcing; I've found it fascinating to see how the conformation (funny that that's the actual word that the church uses) is being carried out.

I find it hilarious when people say to me; "God Bless" when they leave my premises or when I say; "see you tomorrow" they respond: "God willing". What if you were an atheist. Now; I'm probably one of the most spiritual people anyone knows, but church; conformation/confirmation; NO THANK YOU.

The decades and the generations of social conditioning has brought us to a society which is no longer naturally satisfactory. We need stimulants like coffee (and cocaine) to get going and relaxants like a glass of wine (or a joint) to chill. When I recently visited a pub in Shankill, the thought occurred to me that we may as well have been in an opium tent in Afganistan. What's the difference? (And please try to come up with something less conforming than "it's against the law".

The divine feminine says: "Follow your feel, and you can never go wrong." Even though we may be conditioned to do something, like "go on a piss" (in Ireland it means get twisted/hammered/drunk) this may very well at that particular time be the path of least resistance. Making yourself wrong by denying yourself the only way to connecting to yourself just because "I shouldn't" is hardly self loving and accepting (which indecently are the first steps into exploring your divinity) can only bring you down.

Making yourself right by feeling around the issue in-hand and seeing what the best feeling option is and then going ahead and doing/being that can only increase the self-worth and connectedness which may have been lost due to social conditioning.

God ( ;P ) bless our parents for doing the very best they could have in the circumstances. They did the best they knew how to and we'll (all of us) have to trust that that's still the best thing for everyone.

Over 3 years ago I started to question everything. It's been the most eye-opening experience of my life.

I'd like to encourage you to challenge everything you've been taught. See what feels right and then commit to that option. It's exactly the same in human relationships. Just because some thing is already there, (pre-existing) it doesn't mean that there cannot be a better version of it in your vibrational escrow.

Commit - but don't lose yourself, at any cost.



Lots of love,
M

Marriage that didn't work out - or did it?

When my marriage ended, I was not just surprised, I was devastated, but interestingly a little relieved. We'd been together for 9 years.

I was 21 when we met. He was safe, secure and he liked me. Back then that was enough for me. Was I ever madly in love with him? I thought so at the time.

Looking back at the whole affair, I didn't know myself or what I wanted, but I very clearly knew what I didn't want. A spouse with an addiction and suppressed emotions. The amazing thing is, though, that when you know what you don't want and then focus on that, guess what you'll get!?

Lesson number 1; focus only on what you want. Not what you don't want.

My defensiveness with my ex-husband was allowed to play out. I didn't have to let him close; being a type 9 personality, all he was interested in was comfort, and jolly conversation. But as a result of not being able to open up emotionally, I started to get suppressed. So I started to suppress things; you know; not to make him uncomfortable, but in the process I was quite happy to compromise myself. I was not able to ask for what I wanted, never mind what I needed. It was like I was driving a high powered car but with the handbrake on.

Lesson number 2; Don't ever compromise yourself over others. (But allow flexibility.)

Women, in relationships, on a human level, when in a good place need very little. They just need to feel loved and protected by their spouse. If the man in their life is willing to express and fulfil these needs, a lot of relationships would be a lot happier.

Don't get me wrong; it's not that men need to sacrifice themselves to give their women this; no-one can give it to you unless you're in a receiving place of it. It's just a basic need of a "coupled" female, never mind what species we're observing.

Lesson number 3; Learn to express your needs as a woman /man.

What we want is a more individual thing. We're all different and therefore our collections of wants have got to be different. I encourage everyone, male or female to make a list of their wants in terms of their "perfect partner" to get clarity on the issue and then start observing these qualities in people, whether it's their spouse or just people in general. Remember, you only see what you're focusing on, so why not focus on the good stuff?

Lesson number 4; Learn to express your wants as an individual.

Had I known my wants and needs and been able to express it, could my marriage have been saved? Hard to say. At the end of the day, it truly does take two to tango. Maybe it was perfect just the way it was; I had a lovely 9 years with my ex in many ways, but at least now I've learnt to ask for what I want and what I need.

From this new perspective of knowing myself, I can now more readily meet other people's wants and needs, where I can and without feeling obliged to do so. I will never again compromise myself for another, but I can and will continue to be flexible.

All I can say now; when all is said and done; is that I'm happy where I am and eager for more. Let's be more co-creative and less co-dependent!


Love, M

What? What the hell is my Divine Feminine? I felt a little apprehensive and even defensive about looking at my feminine beingness. Is this some kind of Goddess BS that everyone goes on about on facebook and other social media sites?

I was confused. The thought of being soft and vulnerable rubbed me the wrong way.

I remember the day vividly. I was having a chat with one of my very favourite people, Tom, a 50-something-year-old entrepreneur I had met at a spiritual weekend some years back.  

Tom had helped me through my divorce and subsequent relationship breakups, by giving me the man's version of the break-up through the eyes of the Divine Feminine. Sometimes I heard him, sometimes not; depending on my own level of well- or ill-being.

Once again, I was telling him my man worries. "He did this and he was like that". That’s when Tom said: "All a man wants is to be loved and accepted the way they are". 

While this sentence completely opened my eyes, it wasn't going to be easy to change decades of thought patterns just like that. Up until then I had only seen men as selfish bastards who took what they wanted and left the rest of it behind.
For years I felt like I needed to live predominantly through my masculinity. For me it was a safety net; a glass wall I could see through, but no-one could touch me. I guess that was my way of protecting myself and making sure that no man could ever hurt me, like they had done when I was a child.


I had lived through my defensive, offensive and protective masculinity, and as a result, any relationship I had entered with a man ended sooner or later because the imbalance of the masculine-feminine energy.

I felt it was time to just let it go. I Could I be softer?  Could I be more allowing, more feminine? And would that expose me to tragedies in life or would it allow me to grow to the full love and unconditional understanding I wanted to experience?

Maybe qualities that I used to see as weaknesses I could now see as strengths. 

What would the world look like if I saw it through the eyes of the strength of the Divine Feminine? 

See you soon!