Boundaries happen, even if we'd like to think that there should be no need for them. There are two types of boundaries; ones set up out of fear and ones set up with expansion in mind.
Binding boundaries;
These are set when we feel that we need to protect our space, values or belief systems. Binding boundaries always have the overriding feeling of threat associated with them. They are set out of defensiveness or offensiveness, and they do not promote personal growth or expansion. Most people are not used to settng boundaries, because they have been conditioned to be the "good boy/girl" that they should be. As a result, when people first start setting any boundaries, they usually start with setting binding boundaries.
Setting binding boundaries is a great way of moving on to more conscious beingness, as for the first time, with binding boundaries, you're starting to "stand up" for yourself and what you believe.
Expansive boundaries;
These are set when we reach our next level of understanding and choose our direction of thought, sometimes followed by action. The action part of expansive boundaries are very close to the binding boundaries, and when we set expansive boundaries, we have to be sure that we are doing it out of it feeling right, not because we feel we need to protect our new place of consciousness from someone or some thing.
Expansive boundaries occur from higher knowingness, an understanding that everything is perfect as is. There is also a sense of eagerness for more.
My favourite story about a binding/expansive boundaries is a story of my friend, Gemma. She had been studying spirituality for years; chanting, transformation of cellular memory, the works. She met Mark at one of these weekend workshops, and they instantly fell in love.
They lived in different parts of the world, Gemma in the UK and Mark in the US. They were on skype constantly. Gemma went to the States to meet with Mark and Mark was planning to some over, but something always happened and he kept changing his travel plans. 6 months went by and the distance and the time difference was causing difficulties. They spoke more and more rarely, and Gemma had a feeling that Mark was not as into her as he had been before. There was always a reason why he wasn't on this plane and that. Gemma was livid; she had put her life on hold for a year for empty promises. She started to work on it.
She tapped into herself regularly, meditating around the problem, and allowing understanding to come forth. She spoke to our mutual friend, Tom, got help from him and understood that Mark was only acting out his ego, because he was afraid that he wouldn't be good enough for her.
Gemma spoke to Mark about her observations, feelings and thoughts. She tried to get on the same page with him, but he was not willing to let go of his ego driven fear. He became frustrated, angry and accusatory. He set further boundaries, claiming that Gemma wanted to have a co-dependent relationship and that he had no interest in ever being told what to do and when to do it.
Gemma decided to let him follow his path, and cut out regular communication.
Gemma, having had her own relationship issues; sense of abandonment and unworthiness; and having worked through them was not willing to live that reality again. She felt that she was in a higher understanding of the truth about herself, seeing the perfection of others, and wanting to expand even more.
She wanted to expand in love, mutual partnership, looking to starting a family, and she was firmly holding on to her vision and her own path. Mark had decided not to walk that path with her, and that was ok, as Gemma believed that everyone's path is perfect for them.
Having got clarity on her path, she soon met Larry. Larry was not only spiritual, he was looking for the same experiences in the human realm as Gemma. They sussed each other out for a while, but inevitably got together, fell in love and even now, 15 years later, they live in co-creative expansiveness and support of one another.
Their respect for one anothers' preferences matched to a tee. Not because there's only one soul mate for everyone, but because there was ability and willingness to align with one another. Neither one of them felt compromised; and both of their "needs" were fulfilled.
Gemma had chosen to set an expansive boundary with Mark, not because she was afraid of what would happen if she didn't, and not because she wanted to fit him into her box, but because of her keenness to continue her own growth. She knew the direction that was right for her and followed it, showing unconditional love towards herself and her values. She never doubted her path, not once.
It was only a question of time, before her match would appear. She had let go of all expectations; there was no pressure to meet anyone; it was just the heart-filling knowingness that took over and guided her to her perfect partner.
I so love this story.
To Gemma and Larry!
Love,
M
No comments:
Post a Comment