I used to be jealous. I was so worried about being left for something better that I saw everybody as a threat. It was so binding, sometimes I felt like I couldn't breathe.
It wasn't until I realised my full worth, that jealousy became irrelevant.
Once again I was communicating with my then "significant other" feeling like he was paying too much and the "wrong kind" of attention to another woman. I was feeling particularly bad about myself, worthless, tired and I needed his support which I didn't feel I was getting. I flipped out and went straight to the childhood feelings of being unimportant - to my core.
First I started shouting and beating the ground - I was LIVID. Then I started sobbing (to my father); "why didn't you love me? Why wasn't I enough. Can't you see you've fucked up my trust in all men?" . I went to the very bottom of the feeling of not enough-ness, cried and hyper-ventilated until there was no sorrow left, until there only was this feeling of soothing space and clarity. All the heaviness had lifted. I had reached the very bottom of a fear. Fear of not being good enough.
I remember thinking specifically; "if this is as bad as it ever gets, this feels ok. I have nothing more to fear". And then I felt my Divine Feminine very clearly; I'm worth everything. I'm a gorgeous, loving, giving, nurturing soul. I have so much loving co-creation to do, so much love to be and so much love to share. There was no more fear to explore.
When I could feel that; I started seeing everyone through the eyes of the Divine Feminine; my father who had given me the gift of understanding, that we're all doing the best we can. My partner couldn't do anything other than what he could; what a blessing that he inspired me to go to the bottom of my fear.
The games that people play to get attention, to try to make another jealous, to try to make them feel important, are all games that I now understand are only the best they can do. It has nothing to do with me.
The need for me to play games; to ask people to jump through hoops disappeared immediately when I remembered my importance and relevance (to me).
For me it's very clear now: I no longer respond to people playing games, I just bless them knowing they're doing the best they can, and move on.
I no longer need games to connect.
I want the real thing, and have that to offer in return.
Much Love,
M
It wasn't until I realised my full worth, that jealousy became irrelevant.
Once again I was communicating with my then "significant other" feeling like he was paying too much and the "wrong kind" of attention to another woman. I was feeling particularly bad about myself, worthless, tired and I needed his support which I didn't feel I was getting. I flipped out and went straight to the childhood feelings of being unimportant - to my core.
First I started shouting and beating the ground - I was LIVID. Then I started sobbing (to my father); "why didn't you love me? Why wasn't I enough. Can't you see you've fucked up my trust in all men?" . I went to the very bottom of the feeling of not enough-ness, cried and hyper-ventilated until there was no sorrow left, until there only was this feeling of soothing space and clarity. All the heaviness had lifted. I had reached the very bottom of a fear. Fear of not being good enough.
I remember thinking specifically; "if this is as bad as it ever gets, this feels ok. I have nothing more to fear". And then I felt my Divine Feminine very clearly; I'm worth everything. I'm a gorgeous, loving, giving, nurturing soul. I have so much loving co-creation to do, so much love to be and so much love to share. There was no more fear to explore.
When I could feel that; I started seeing everyone through the eyes of the Divine Feminine; my father who had given me the gift of understanding, that we're all doing the best we can. My partner couldn't do anything other than what he could; what a blessing that he inspired me to go to the bottom of my fear.
The games that people play to get attention, to try to make another jealous, to try to make them feel important, are all games that I now understand are only the best they can do. It has nothing to do with me.
The need for me to play games; to ask people to jump through hoops disappeared immediately when I remembered my importance and relevance (to me).
For me it's very clear now: I no longer respond to people playing games, I just bless them knowing they're doing the best they can, and move on.
I no longer need games to connect.
I want the real thing, and have that to offer in return.
Much Love,
M
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