What's interesting is how things re-surface, even though you think you've dealt with the issue. If you've ever experienced a re-surfacing emotion, you know exactly what I'm talking about. When my jealousy re-surfaced, instead of beating myself up for feeling likeI would have done before, I just went WEEEEEEE!!! with my fall from the heights I had reached before. I may be falling, but I know I'll bounce back up higher and stronger than ever before. I now know about my love trampoline below me.
The reason for my re-surfacing jealousy was not the fact that I felt like I was being left for something better, which, indeed was the case as I was growing up. It was the fact that I had lost confidence on myself as a result of being kicked in the head by a horse less than a week previously.
Having dealt with the physiological results of the impact including the psychological shock, I felt very well physically and psychologically about the incident, but emotionally I had lost my confidence in myself and life, and as a result, I started having nightmares where I was being assaulted, I started hearing stories about break-ins, and I started to see evidence of my loved ones being deceitful. Only because I had lost confidence in MYSELF.
The common denominator here is ME. Because it's ME who feels powerless, it's ME who sees evidence of powerlessness everywhere. And this is something that only I (ME) can take responsibility of.
Having dealt with issues of jealousy before and understanding that underneath it all is MY depressed sense of self worth, I know I can deal with it again. Whatever emotions surface, regardless of the subject, it's never about the thing that triggers the emotion; It's never about the other person.
Understanding that will automatically put the responsibility of finding a better feeling place back to me and it let's the other person off the hook.
What I do when this occurs is I go into myself with the goal of finding a better feeling place about myself and the rest will follow. When I feel well in myself, I will, once again, see evidence of empowerment, love and understanding. But until I do, I don't go "trying to sort things out" with that other who has "hurt my feelings".
Until then,
With love.
M
The reason for my re-surfacing jealousy was not the fact that I felt like I was being left for something better, which, indeed was the case as I was growing up. It was the fact that I had lost confidence on myself as a result of being kicked in the head by a horse less than a week previously.
Having dealt with the physiological results of the impact including the psychological shock, I felt very well physically and psychologically about the incident, but emotionally I had lost my confidence in myself and life, and as a result, I started having nightmares where I was being assaulted, I started hearing stories about break-ins, and I started to see evidence of my loved ones being deceitful. Only because I had lost confidence in MYSELF.
The common denominator here is ME. Because it's ME who feels powerless, it's ME who sees evidence of powerlessness everywhere. And this is something that only I (ME) can take responsibility of.
Having dealt with issues of jealousy before and understanding that underneath it all is MY depressed sense of self worth, I know I can deal with it again. Whatever emotions surface, regardless of the subject, it's never about the thing that triggers the emotion; It's never about the other person.
Understanding that will automatically put the responsibility of finding a better feeling place back to me and it let's the other person off the hook.
What I do when this occurs is I go into myself with the goal of finding a better feeling place about myself and the rest will follow. When I feel well in myself, I will, once again, see evidence of empowerment, love and understanding. But until I do, I don't go "trying to sort things out" with that other who has "hurt my feelings".
Until then,
With love.
M
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