For years, I paid little or no attention to how I felt. It wasn't until I'd have a migraine or a tonsillitis that I stopped and felt how bad things had gotten. I read no early signs, just put my head down and ploughed through my day.
For sure, I got a lot done, but none it was joyous and I felt exhausted at the end of every day. It used to be the same with my horses, friends, loved ones and colleagues. Even in my marriage, I THOUGHT I was happy. I really did!
Having never examined the nature of my relationships and how they "made" me feel, I was living my life being busy doing stuff and working. It wasn't until my separation and subsequent divorce, that I started to examine the quality of my life and how I felt with it. Up until then I was too busy with tasks in hand, but that day of separation, when I realised that my happiness mattered, my life turned "upside down", I found myself single again, and determined never to compromise my happiness again in anything; relationships, work, friends, horses, everything.
Other than the separation, my life didn't seem to change much on the outside. I still worked hard, still had horses; now more than ever, and I still didn't do much socialising. Even when I was married, I didn't like going to pubs and talking shite with my ex's friends and their spouses, but I did it, as I thought I'd try to make an effort.
On the inside, everything changed; I started to feel again. I made a commitment to allow any feelings necessary to come forth and I was going to follow them through. As a result of starting to listen to my feelings and thoughts, and the inside now being different, my view of the outside world changed as well. I no longer was willing to do things I didn't WANT to do, meet people who I didn't WANT to meet, all frivolous relationships, clients and acquaintances fell away, and only true friends and co-creators stayed in my life.
I went online and found some beautiful friends, as well as real love, and enjoyed basking in the presence of like-minded people all over the world. All of a sudden, I had energy to meet new people, create new friendships and exchange ideas, which I NOW felt were flowing through me, effortlessly.
I found a completely new feeling of love for my work, nurturing it like my baby, enjoying the laughs, challenges and learnings it still brings, every single day.
My animals; my horses, dog and cat, they've allowed me to find a deeper connection, friendship, love and communication that I would never have been able to achieve when I wasn't paying attention to my feelings. They've been my clear mirrors, unconditional lovers.
As I'm sitting here in my office, writing this, I feel fulfilled. I feel my perfect partner's presence in the house already, even tough he hasn't materialised in my everyday life yet. Like a magnet, we're being drawn towards this love that is deep, based on truly knowing oneself and allowing all feelings, thoughts and ideas to flow through. My appreciation of self and as a result, others, is bringing my life partner to me.
I love my life, how it flows and dances, and the moment I feel off, I take a break of it all; horses, friends, work; everything. Not because I don't want to go ahead with my commitments, but because I appreciate all the beings in my life too much to bring a watered-down version of myself to the play.
Feel your feelings and allow your true self to come forth.
To all of you that are in my life; Namaste.
Much love,
M
For sure, I got a lot done, but none it was joyous and I felt exhausted at the end of every day. It used to be the same with my horses, friends, loved ones and colleagues. Even in my marriage, I THOUGHT I was happy. I really did!
Having never examined the nature of my relationships and how they "made" me feel, I was living my life being busy doing stuff and working. It wasn't until my separation and subsequent divorce, that I started to examine the quality of my life and how I felt with it. Up until then I was too busy with tasks in hand, but that day of separation, when I realised that my happiness mattered, my life turned "upside down", I found myself single again, and determined never to compromise my happiness again in anything; relationships, work, friends, horses, everything.
Other than the separation, my life didn't seem to change much on the outside. I still worked hard, still had horses; now more than ever, and I still didn't do much socialising. Even when I was married, I didn't like going to pubs and talking shite with my ex's friends and their spouses, but I did it, as I thought I'd try to make an effort.
On the inside, everything changed; I started to feel again. I made a commitment to allow any feelings necessary to come forth and I was going to follow them through. As a result of starting to listen to my feelings and thoughts, and the inside now being different, my view of the outside world changed as well. I no longer was willing to do things I didn't WANT to do, meet people who I didn't WANT to meet, all frivolous relationships, clients and acquaintances fell away, and only true friends and co-creators stayed in my life.
I went online and found some beautiful friends, as well as real love, and enjoyed basking in the presence of like-minded people all over the world. All of a sudden, I had energy to meet new people, create new friendships and exchange ideas, which I NOW felt were flowing through me, effortlessly.
I found a completely new feeling of love for my work, nurturing it like my baby, enjoying the laughs, challenges and learnings it still brings, every single day.
My animals; my horses, dog and cat, they've allowed me to find a deeper connection, friendship, love and communication that I would never have been able to achieve when I wasn't paying attention to my feelings. They've been my clear mirrors, unconditional lovers.
As I'm sitting here in my office, writing this, I feel fulfilled. I feel my perfect partner's presence in the house already, even tough he hasn't materialised in my everyday life yet. Like a magnet, we're being drawn towards this love that is deep, based on truly knowing oneself and allowing all feelings, thoughts and ideas to flow through. My appreciation of self and as a result, others, is bringing my life partner to me.
I love my life, how it flows and dances, and the moment I feel off, I take a break of it all; horses, friends, work; everything. Not because I don't want to go ahead with my commitments, but because I appreciate all the beings in my life too much to bring a watered-down version of myself to the play.
Feel your feelings and allow your true self to come forth.
To all of you that are in my life; Namaste.
Much love,
M
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