I'm quite a unique person, like we all are. There is every chance that all of my values will not align with my partner's values, in fact, if they did, there would be no expansion within the relationship.
I, like all of us have had several partners, if not romantically, at least in our everyday lives. Every person has a different set of values, even though sometimes some people seem similar (check out www.enneagraminstitute.com for 9 different categories of personality types).
As a type 2, the helper, a heart type, I'm always there to help. My biggest challenge has been to not be too available, helpful and facilitating in relationships. I've learnt to pull back a good bit, I've learnt to serve myself first (with the exception of my dependants) and I've started to appreciate myself, not just put everyone else first.
I am full of energy, optimism, attention to detail and (with a type 1, perfectionist, wing) I'm very principled and can be black-and-white about some things. If something is wrong, it's wrong. This translates well with my relationship patterns; I don't ask for my needs to be met, as I want to please the other person. Then, as my needs are not met, I keep burning out, until I say; "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!" and then the feud has usually gone too far. There's no return.
I once was in a relationship with a type 9; the peacemaker, who will, whatever it takes, to keep the peace. Including lie to me about substance abuse. Type 9s are usually stubbornly stuck in their ways, and do not like change. You can imagine someone like me, who needs personal development and self discovery to feel the continuum of life, not being able to facilitate stuckness in a relationship and tolerate driving with a hand break on all the time.
Once I was in a relationship with a type 1; the perfectionist. His mother died and I went to help him and his family. Leaving my horses to the care of someone else, rescheduling my clients and travelling to the country was not convenient for me, but of course, I was happy to do it; for him. After all, someone needed my help. I stayed for 4 days (because he asked me to), drove their family to the church (it had snowed overnight and in Ireland, they're not used to driving in the snow, whereas for me it's no problem), scrubbed their floors, helped with serving food, all that good stuff, and then headed back to Dublin, exhausted. I had given my everything. Following week he phones me and tells me that it's over, because I had taken over his family home and that it was not appropriate. I couldn't believe my ears. My heart was broken.
Once I was in a relationship with a type 4, the individualist. For a 4, it's so important to be so different than anyone else. They don't even like to be categorised as 4, as there's no category flexible and big enough to cover all their bases. They examine life, people, but most importantly, themselves. Because they are so internally focused, they are able to feel deeper, express their feelings more and they are amazing teachers. 4s are the centre of their own world, whereas a 2 puts themselves last. You'd think this was a match made in heaven, both parties focusing on the same thing; the 4. No. My needs were not met, and like in a relationship with any other type, I got exhausted trying to mean something to this person, and eventually, had enough.
Who knows what happens in the future, but one thing is for sure; I love me. I love my ability to love, give, feel, help and understand. I need to mind my blind spots, thought, but if I stay in a good place in myself, I know, I can give from a heart that is full for me first and then overflowing for others. And who wouldn't want to share an expansive co-creative experience like that?
"We all have different values, and the only thing we need to do to get along is to appreciate and understand the differences, whatever that looks like." ~Divine Feminine~
I love this quote. It's one of my favourite ones, as it reflects on my own beliefs. The bottom line is; any one of those relationships could have worked out. They were important in defining my preferences, and I'm happy to take them as such. I feel such appreciation for all that has happened, I'm happy where I am and so very eager for more.
I think when we realise that relationships are not the end game, that they come and go, some last a lifetime, some just a few months, the edge is worn off from the feeling of "this needs to be right". A break-up does not mean that the relationship was a failure; mine haven't been. They've been a great opportunity to learn and the fact is, that if there was nothing there to begin with, it wouldn't have begun.
I'm still learning to ask for what I want; but until then, I just love you. Namaste.
Much love,
M
I, like all of us have had several partners, if not romantically, at least in our everyday lives. Every person has a different set of values, even though sometimes some people seem similar (check out www.enneagraminstitute.com for 9 different categories of personality types).
As a type 2, the helper, a heart type, I'm always there to help. My biggest challenge has been to not be too available, helpful and facilitating in relationships. I've learnt to pull back a good bit, I've learnt to serve myself first (with the exception of my dependants) and I've started to appreciate myself, not just put everyone else first.
I am full of energy, optimism, attention to detail and (with a type 1, perfectionist, wing) I'm very principled and can be black-and-white about some things. If something is wrong, it's wrong. This translates well with my relationship patterns; I don't ask for my needs to be met, as I want to please the other person. Then, as my needs are not met, I keep burning out, until I say; "THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!!" and then the feud has usually gone too far. There's no return.
I once was in a relationship with a type 9; the peacemaker, who will, whatever it takes, to keep the peace. Including lie to me about substance abuse. Type 9s are usually stubbornly stuck in their ways, and do not like change. You can imagine someone like me, who needs personal development and self discovery to feel the continuum of life, not being able to facilitate stuckness in a relationship and tolerate driving with a hand break on all the time.
Once I was in a relationship with a type 1; the perfectionist. His mother died and I went to help him and his family. Leaving my horses to the care of someone else, rescheduling my clients and travelling to the country was not convenient for me, but of course, I was happy to do it; for him. After all, someone needed my help. I stayed for 4 days (because he asked me to), drove their family to the church (it had snowed overnight and in Ireland, they're not used to driving in the snow, whereas for me it's no problem), scrubbed their floors, helped with serving food, all that good stuff, and then headed back to Dublin, exhausted. I had given my everything. Following week he phones me and tells me that it's over, because I had taken over his family home and that it was not appropriate. I couldn't believe my ears. My heart was broken.
Once I was in a relationship with a type 4, the individualist. For a 4, it's so important to be so different than anyone else. They don't even like to be categorised as 4, as there's no category flexible and big enough to cover all their bases. They examine life, people, but most importantly, themselves. Because they are so internally focused, they are able to feel deeper, express their feelings more and they are amazing teachers. 4s are the centre of their own world, whereas a 2 puts themselves last. You'd think this was a match made in heaven, both parties focusing on the same thing; the 4. No. My needs were not met, and like in a relationship with any other type, I got exhausted trying to mean something to this person, and eventually, had enough.
Who knows what happens in the future, but one thing is for sure; I love me. I love my ability to love, give, feel, help and understand. I need to mind my blind spots, thought, but if I stay in a good place in myself, I know, I can give from a heart that is full for me first and then overflowing for others. And who wouldn't want to share an expansive co-creative experience like that?
"We all have different values, and the only thing we need to do to get along is to appreciate and understand the differences, whatever that looks like." ~Divine Feminine~
I love this quote. It's one of my favourite ones, as it reflects on my own beliefs. The bottom line is; any one of those relationships could have worked out. They were important in defining my preferences, and I'm happy to take them as such. I feel such appreciation for all that has happened, I'm happy where I am and so very eager for more.
I think when we realise that relationships are not the end game, that they come and go, some last a lifetime, some just a few months, the edge is worn off from the feeling of "this needs to be right". A break-up does not mean that the relationship was a failure; mine haven't been. They've been a great opportunity to learn and the fact is, that if there was nothing there to begin with, it wouldn't have begun.
I'm still learning to ask for what I want; but until then, I just love you. Namaste.
Much love,
M
I love your openness in sharing your experiences. Very well written I enjoyed reading it and felt connection to it. Thank you, much love to you. Jennifer
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jennifer! :)
ReplyDelete